Okay, think of what little patience I have as… oh, I don’t know… your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends… well, he dropped by, and he brought a copy of “About Last Night” and a four-pack of Bartles & Jaymes and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever - just like my patience is now

You couldn’t push my buttons if you tried. In fact I have no buttons, please think of me as button-less. All smooth; like GI-Joe’s nether-regions. And by the way, this image is brought to you by my son Jack who’s been yanking the pants off his toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough so that leaving the house, I’m cranky, and less able to suffer fools which brings me back to you: the fool. I’m done suffering you so go now, go - go before you can write a book entitled ‘Help! A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass: The Lester Hendrick Story’.